Top Five And then Some

Things That Freak Me Out--revisited

Polo really does freak me out. Ot maybe it just stresses me out. But it is a damn weird sport, and do those horses keep from a having a demolition derby pile-up every two minutes? I say al this, because I may be forced to take it off my top 5 list.

Here's why, during today's Vikings/Broncos (Skol Vikings!!) game, the Broncos quarterback got thrown to the turf just after releasing the ball. When he got to his knees to begin to get up, he sticks his hand out and shows it to the sideline, where the trainers are. And what he is showing them is his pinkie had been broken at the knuckle and is now bent 90 degrees to the right.

And this is what freaks the shit out of me: football injuries, of this very specific type. It must involve a break at a joint and the lateral limb will suddenly sway back and forth or simply contort. It's cruel but true, I don't get squeamish at all when seeing much more serious but less graphic injuries during a game.

There was Joe Theisman's broken knee back in the 80s, and some lineman for the Bengals ankle in the Super Bowl in the 90s, and now this quarterback's pinkie in the 2000s. All of these images have been burned in my mind.

Damn, I can't remember when Emily tells me what we have planned for the weekend. But I remember vividly that Lawrence Taylor broke Joe Thiesman's leg and his leg from the shinbone and below swayed back and forth like a pendulum, on Monday Night Football.

Maybe Emily should show me pictures like this whenever she wants to tell me something I need to remember. That will engrave our plans for Thursday night deeply into my mental calendar.

So I think I'll remove the pork rinds. I kind of stuck that one in there, although it is the most freakish food ever, and my earlier rant about polo has convinced me it needs to stay.

Since I already forgot one thing that freaks me out, what other possibilities am I forgetting (prehaps by choice?). Let me know. But for now...

Top Five Things that Freak Me Out--revised and subject to change

5. Polo
4. Clowns
3. Football Injuiries Involving Broken Joints and Lateral Halves of Body Parts Unnaturally Contorted by 90 Degrees OR Unnaturally Swaying Like A Pendulum
2. Unflushed Toilets
1. Siamese Twins

Things That Freak Me Out

5. Polo
4. Clowns
3. Pork rinds
2. Unflushed toilets
1. Siamese twins

Yoplait Yougurt

It's amazing how yogurt and granola bars have evolved (or maybe even mutated) over the past 20 years. What passes as yogurt and granola bars today was considered pudding and candy bars back in the day. I no longer eat granola bars, but I do my best to have a yogurt a day. And in doing my part to fight breast cancer, we usually buy Yoplait.

But cripes, what's up with the pretentious names? Cherry Orchard? You've got to be shitting me. Just call it "cherry," or people might assume that all the other elements of a cherry orchard are included in the taste. You know, the dirt, fertilizer, wood, leaves, and bark. But I digress...

Top 5 Best Flavors
5. Strawberry Kiwi
4. Lemon Burst
3. Orange Creme
2. White Chocolate Raspberry
1. Key Lime Pie

Top 5 Worst Flavors
You may note ine reading this list that I have issues with berries that don't begin with the word "straw."
5. Mixed Berry
4. Mountain Blueberry
3. Blueberry Crumble (never had it, but guilty by association)
2. Blackberry Harvest (never had it either, but it rockets up to the #2 spot for the shitarific name)
1. Cherry Orchard